Being a grown up means not posting this on social media...

My man always gets angry when I tell him I know when he's asleep because he's snoring. He denies it and argues with me.
I told him I should record him to prove it.
He then says he would record all of our conversations to prove how wrong I am about what I say because supposedly I lie all of the time...
He then asks if I'd be surprised to find out that he already has been. I say "no, because it's something I know you'd do" ...
He again denied that he's that type of person but he used to have taps and hidden recorders on my old phone because he swore I was cheating and/or lying to him...
I've never cheated on him and only ever lied to him about drinking when I was an alcoholic...
I CANNOT say that he is not guilty of the things he's accused me of...
I also cannot say that I've ever fully forgiven him....

After 3.5 years...

OMG... 10/5/14 (his birthday) was the last day we ever drank alcohol...
Today 5/15/18 we decided to try again...
Same buzzed arguments...
Same unsatisfied, although rambunctious sex...
Seriously?! I wanted the sex to be fun for BOTH of us...
He got off AND a body rub...
I got...
Yep, awake at 3:30am on 5/16/18...
Why did we drink?
Another unsatisfying night...
Don't I deserve more? He constantly tells me that I do...
Where's my fun? Where's my off? Where's my rub?
None, nowhere, not happening...