Hell yes!

He's working from home and making good money. He got me a brand new bed and an awesome tv this month. Bday and just because. He's stepped up so much and I can finally see the man I want him to be able to be. He's happier even though he's a little more stressed and has a little less time

Finally working

He's finally got off his ass and started working again. It sucks that he worked only a month at a gas station since we moved here. I have pushed, begged and given ultimatums with no results. He finally put his name out there and now he's getting popular again; tattooing and piercing from home. I'd hoped we wouldn't have to do this again but at least it's SOMETHING!
My biggest pros and cons to this situation:
Pro: His confidence is returning and with that comes his happiness which in turn makes me happier.
Con: I don't trust him not to cheat on me again, not to take an easy opportunity and go for it...
What am I supposed to do? I want him to be happy, it truly does make life better for the both of us. I just don't want to be taken advantage of more than has already happened. I don't want to come home and see evidence of something wrong, because if I do and I ask him about it, he'll always answer honestly...
I'm scared and stuck.
How can I make the pain and fear of being hurt go away? It's been over a year since he cheated and I still feel like he'll one day make me regret staying. I love him, I want us to work, I just absolutely hate living in terror of what he can so easily do to me and my heart...

Let me sleep!

I am now on week 6 as acting store manager and I'm Fucking tired. I don't work until 12:30 and I figure "finally I can sleep in a little." That's a joke! Apparently I am not allowed to. Between the cat and the man I get to be up by 10... I just want to sleep!!! The smell of steamy shower when I'm trying to sleep makes me nauseous... I hate this. I give up...

Broke and sober

Sometimes I just want to pick up a bottle of alcohol while in the grocery store, purchase it, then take it home and drink it.
I know I can't though.
I miss the fun, no matter how superficial, that it brought to me when I was bored or feeling down. It always made me feel happier, I didn't care that it was only temporary.
One of the only things that makes me happy in its absence is shopping, but being the bread winner and only employed/money making person in this household that happiness is also hindered.
I'm bored and poor. I can barely take it anymore... when will things ever get better and go my way, just a little?
When do I get to feel happy and satisfied with any part of my life again? I've had it before, just wish I could've hung on!
Ugh...
"things will get better, I promise. You just have to give it time." (Quoting myself) "don't give up, you're almost there."

I hate bills

How can I pay bills without knowing how much they'll be for? We haven't been here long enough to know a pattern! How can I pay the unreceived bills when I haven't gotten paid yet? I can't be positive I'll have enough money for it all! I've told you time and again that I hate talking bills with you. It's super frustrating and aggravating! This is why I used to just pay all of the bills! No guesswork! I wait until I get paid and receive said bills, THEN I PAY THEM. No guesswork, just actuality! Now you want to make me feel bad that I made you get a job to hep but let you quit when you could no longer handle it?! I think not!
Things will be fine. Calm the Fuck down and stop freaking out on me.
You will NOT take away our only holiday since we've moved here! I don't care if things are tight, we deserve something nice!!! =\

Fucking forbid!!!

Fucking forbid you don't question why I had to work ten minutes late. Or yell at me as soon as we get in the door. Or tell me how shitty of a person I am for feeling underappreciated. Or belittle everything I do before I work so when you come home everything is easier for you.
Apparently because I want a little kindness and appreciation and get grumpy and mumble to myself when I don't get ANY that means I want you to leave. -.-
Or blame me for being in a bad mood because now you "work a real job and have to be up early".
Well Fuck, I wish I had the shift you do!, that biggest difference is that I wouldn't come home and bitch about being tired and take a nap EVERY DAY. I would enjoy my afternoons! There's so much time in a day and you waste it because you're lazy and can't take doing actual work. You may work early but on days I work evenings I get up 2 hours after you do and clean the house and cook and do everything I can to make your time after work better... I practically have to BEG you to make dinner when I work late. Generally I have to come home and cook too or you're grumpy!!!
How can we possibly both be Libras when I try to balance my life and you let the scales fall to one side?
And through everything, you only see your side. You walk through life with blinders on, hoping I'll clear the way for you or bitching when I can't keep up.
Grow the Fuck up. You're older than me. Be Fucking responsible, at least partially, for our lives and don't complain that I want and NEED your help...
Why do I keep putting up with this? Oh yeah, I love the asshole...

Dreams and second chances

As much as I want him to follow his dreams and pierce and tattoo, I don't trust the women who want to have those services done by him. I wish I could tell him he can only work on men but that will never happen... though it's close to a year since he cheated on me I've been worrying about it more and more lately... he swears he hasn't cheated on me since and never will again but how can I trust him?
I once gave him permission to sleep with another woman if I wasn't enough for him... apparently 4+ other women weren't enough either, because he bragged about it all the while. I worry that he'll go back to how it was our first 9 months together and I'm scared shitless. Not only did he sleep around and brag about it, he treated me like shit. Like I was a lesser being. Like I didn't deserve him and would never earn his trust and love, which he should've been fighting for from me, not the other way around.
I know I would leave him the instant I ever discovered that he was lying to me or cheated on me again, but I hate that I worry incessantly about it and fear that each day I have with him may be our last.
Why I chose to stay with a cheater, I don't know. I never thought I'd be one to give second chances for something like that. I wonder what kind of mentality I've built up after being subjected to all of this...
I want him and I to chase our dreams together but I fear they will one day lead us apart. Some day my love for music and his love of easy women may tear us down and pin us against each other...
I love him, but I have fear of our relationship. I sincerely hope that this relationship is leading down the path of our dreams together and not down the path of our doom...

Fuck you I'm tired too

You've been working a normal job less than a week and act like it's the hardest Fucking thing in the world. Try doing it for years! Try being the one who supports the household, like I've done since before I ever met you. I don't even ask you to stay at this job that you hate so much. I feel like you just use it as an excuse.
I'm tired, I have to get up early and work all day, I have to deal with horrible customers and co-workers. Well big Fucking deal! I've been at the same job with those exact same complaints for SEVEN YEARS. Never once have I shut the tv off and demand that you come to bed with me when you've only been off work for 45 min and haven't even finished your dinner yet. I'm tired too but I need to wind down and at least feed myself. So Fuck off and go to bed by yourself. You don't have to cuddle with me to fall asleep. I do everything for you so you don't usually have to work at all. I'm even cooking and cleaning more than you and working full time, longer hours every day than you. I hope you wake the Fuck up and treat me with some God Damn respect. . . That's too much to ask of you though as you sit here yelling at me and saying the same shit all over again. I give up. This is ridiculous. You are a selfish asshole!!!!
I'm sick, I'm the one who supports us, not you, you don't do shit.
You're a lying, selfish, cheating douche bag and I just can't take your crap...

Can I be done here now?

Ugh... This place really has got me down... work is just an every day disappointment. There's no challenge here. I feel like I'm just wading through garbage. I honestly feel like this whole town and this wanna be promotion are just a big waste of my time and talents.
Nothing is the way it was portrayed to be to me. It's more expensive to live and not worth the extra cost. I didn't get enough of a raise to cover the difference so I lose money every day I am here. I was promised payback on things I paid for up front, I've been here nearly 2 months and still nothing.
This whole situation is garbage and I deserve so much better than this. I'm hoping I'll eventually be able to get my feet back under me and run the Fuck away from this town and so called job promotion as fast as I can.

Benefits

I complain constantly about this horrible place we moved to. I had started to forget about the one thing that really made me feel good about this move and made it all totally worth it...
None of the skanky little bitches that wanted to Fuck my man are anywhere near enough for me to worry about. None of the slutty whores he cheated on me with will ever pose another threat to our relationship.
I still feel I may never trust him fully, but I feel better with the fact he knows NO ONE around here that I feel could threaten our lives together.
In a small way I've gained back some of the control that he's held over me for way too long.
It finally feels at least that one thing is more balanced than it has been this entire time...

On another note: thinking about all the negative things that have tainted our relationship is breaking my heart all over again...

The move

So I was offered a promotion if I moved and we decided to go for it.
So far this has been a horrible decision.
The people here are scum. They are disgusting and low.
I've never felt so over classed around so many people.
I've never felt like I deserved to be around better people.
The piss-water raise they gave me to come here and the lower taxes (different state) still don't make up the difference in cost of living.
I feel like I was lied to. Here's this great opportunity for your career but in actuality you'll feel as though you've been tossed in a mud puddle.
You'll feel and see the filth around you but you have to stay and try to continue being the clean, freshwater person you are...
This better be the promised stepping stone, the one to get me closer to an promising career... I'm just afraid this place will be much more toxic to me than any place I've lived so far. 
I already am -so- ready to run on...