Good things to come

Every time something knocks him down I will always pick him back up. He's strong where I need him and I'll be the same in return. We'll make through everything, I know we will. Even if others are set against us.
Sharing strength is what will make it all work out, I know it.
As much as my depression eats at my heart and soul I know if I force myself to stay positive we will win through.
Just watch, good things are coming. I feel it so strongly I can practically taste it. They're here, those good things... And they're ours for the taking!!!

Is it worth it?

Ever feel like maybe you're second choice? Why fight for someone who obviously can do better? Why do everything to make them happy? Are they trying to do the same for you? Will they try? Or are they just going to take everything you give and leave you without what little you ask for in return?
Why be with me when you don't get what you're asking for? Why stay unless there's a real benefit? Why give back anything when I ask for so little to begin with?
By offering so much am I just being taken advantage of?
Will I keep giving and fighting if none of it is returned?
Will I be satisfied if I get what I want returned to me? Or will I just find that I wasn't asking for enough?
To give so much freely and receive so little?
I love and give trust so much, but is that what I should be doing? Am I going to feel used in the long run?
I am scared that I will be used... that I'll never feel things are even...
But if I give all these things that I am, and more, and it is returned in full, won't it all be worth it?!
So I continue to fight, to give, to trust, in hopes that my happiness will be there.
Please, to the powers that be, let this LOVE be worth all of the pain I endure for it...

Those eyes

It all doesn't matter when he gives me those eyes...

Those eyes that draw me to him.
Those eyes that call to my heart, my soul.
Those eyes that make me see who he is when he's with he.
Those eyes that make me melt, makes me blush, even when he thinks my interest isn't truly there.
Those eyes that make me look deeper into myself, discovering things that lie hidden.
Those eyes that know what's there based upon personal experience, though he's not always right.
Those eyes that ache with thoughts of my love looking toward anyone else.
Those eyes that beg me for my heart, even when he doesn't know he's doing it.
Those eyes that make me his and his alone.
Those eyes that reach into me and tear out into open all of the pain that he causes me in my search for his heart.
Those eyes that make me more than I feel I am.
Those eyes that have hold over my everything.
Those eyes I would lose everything for, my life, my stability, my basic needs.
Those eyes that tell me he wants to be part of every inch of my life, good or bad.
Those eyes that are a deep, rich shade of brown that turn to an exquisite gold that makes me never look away without awkwardness from my love for the man that owns them.
Those eyes that I love so much.
Those eyes that mean everything to me...

Conundrum

Sometimes I'm at a loss as to what to say to someone after I've blatantly told them the way I feel and the things I'm thinking and they still don't get it.
Sometimes I just need to be alone and do my silly alone things: wax my eyebrows, shave my legs, read my book, chill with my cat, blast my music and sing and dance around like an idiot.
Sometimes the things I do are to release my soul and collect my thoughts. Though they may seem silly to you, they can be off the utmost importance to me.
Sometimes you don't need to understand those things, you just need to believe that they are not only good for me but for whatever relationship we have together: friend, family, lover...
Sometimes I just want you to love me and trust that I have your interest in mind, even if it seems I'm focusing on myself. They are connected in every way.
Sometimes I wish you would see my heart and know that you are the most important person in it, though many would say that you shouldn't be, that I should be or those who have been in my life longer.
I'm stuck in this conundrum for my heart and yours, not knowing which direction I should take down the cross streets that come across the path of our life together...

Lost

His blue eyes confound me. His chiseled features beg to have my hand run across them. His height makes me reach to the heavens to be with him...
and he smiles...
I fall...
Into dark depths of terror as my heart races. Into loneliness as my fingers slip from his grasp. Into despair knowing he can reach me but doesn't want to try...
and he looks away...
I sigh...
The beautiful thoughts that swarm my mind. The memories of our happy times. The love that grew only to be crushed...
and he deceives...
I run...
To a place to be with my thoughts. To wherever happiness can be found. To the future where the pain will be gone...
and he knows...
I climb...
Up the steps of impossibility reaching for what I want. Up in the world making my life more secure. Up through the clouds in thought to find my strength to keep moving...
and he smiles...
I've lost...

My nightmare

Last night I had a twisted dream. I shouldn't watch horror movies because my mind wanders to dark places, ones that have nothing to do with the movies I watched. I didn't finish writing this but enjoy what you will of what's here.
In a farmhouse a group of people who are former criminals mainly that are trying to get a fresh start on life. My character being a former arsonist.
As we build our new lives by writing hard and becoming accepted members of the community a few of our members seem to be getting quiet and strange things start happening.
Missing lawn tools (shovels, chicken wire, hammers, wood, etc) start becoming an issue.
We try not to put blame on any of ourselves, thinking maybe it's an upset person in the community who doesn't like or trust us.
I am the youngest female in our group. Out of 7 there are 4 men & 3 women. Their backgrounds (mainly thieves) including: Jesse: an (attempted/caught on escape-turned in accomplices) bank thief, Mark: international car (thief) trader (released with help from expensive lawyer), Gina: former magicians assistant gone jewel thief (released because the magician, along with the jewels, couldn't be found), Will: my partner in grand arson (& lover, we were released after discovering a non lethal, wearable, fire proof material now used for fire fighters and bomb techs) and Joe & Marie: the royal kidnappers (a couple who stole kids for high ransom, released after finding the presidents kidnapped daughter).
So we might not be the best of people but we were trying to be better... as far from major law officials as possible...
One day, after another discussion of more missing materials Gina asks me to come look at her work on the masonry of the fireplace...
I wake up in a dark hole, mainly made of dirt. I have just enough room to curl in a ball or stretch out but I'm unable to even sit up. I see a faint light and can't seem to reach it... there's chicken wire firmly in the way. As I try to keep calm I start feeling around my prison(?) I discover there are planks of wood on key areas to keep this dirt hole from caving in on me. I tried to yell out but my throat felt dry and sore- like I'd already screamed my brains out. I was definitely dehydrated so I couldn't figure how long I'd been out.
I lay there unsure of what to do when I heard voices: (Will) "Gina have you seen her?" (Gina) "Hmm, not since she checked my masonry work on the fireplace. She said it looked good and that it would hold up nicely. Then she said she had other projects she needed to check on. She always puts so much on her shoulders, I'm sure she just got caught up somewhere around this big property." (Will) "Thanks Gina, if you see her send her back here to the house so I can talk to her." (Gina) "Oh if course hun!"
...so I'm in the house somewhere? The voices were coming from the area the light was... apparently I haven't been gone too terribly long yet.
This is Gina's doing. She was the only other person who wanted to be house-leader. She had told me she was actually relieved that she didn't have to do all the work that I've ended up having to do. Everyone had just felt with the fact that I grew up on big farm property that I would have the best idea of how things should run...
Where am I? Where did she stash me? ... oh my head hurts... I rub the back of my tender head, discovering hair matted with... dry blood(?) ... wait, the missing hammer! I remember seeing it next to the fireplace and reaching for it, then... ugh, blackness...
I start picking at the chicken wire, trying to find where it ends buried in the dirt, only to no avail. After digging nearly 6 inches on each side of where I can reach there is no end and sharp rocks and such were tearing up my fingers and making them bleed... I'm so tired... *sleep*
I wake to what sounds like a long disused door, groaning open. Looking towards the light I originally glimpsed to see Gina's figure looking down upon me. "I've come to feed you." She says, "don't try to speak, what I've done to your throat will make it excruciating enough to eat and drink, you'll want to save your energy for that." I croak out, "why?" With her reply being "you'll see soon enough..."
She wasn't kidding, I cried silently with every bite from the horrible pain. What voice I might have had was gone. After I finished my oatmeal, peaches and water I fainted from the pain.
I awoke still in my tomb.